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Sunday, September 14, 2014

M for phobia: part 2

Continued from Part 1

The first time was when I was in my 1st year of pre-university course. I was in college attending a language class, and I and my friends were always the first benchers (will tell the story behind this in my next blog). Right in the middle of the lecture in hopped a big green grasshopper right in front of me, and kept hopping about as if super-excited to be in a college for the first time (though I seriously doubt if it was its first time). Those who suffer from any phobia can understand how strongly it affects us.

I tried to block it out, tried not to notice it and even moved a few benches behind to help myself stay calm, but no! The -hopper hopped all around the class, and I startled about my seat everytime it did so, sometimes I stiffled a screech, sometimes I almost screamed.

Finally, the lecturer in class ( a wonderful professor with the ideal blend of cordiality and discipline about him) had had enough. He asked me laughingly a couple of times to ignore, but when I failed to do so, the next instant STOMP! That spritely little life was crushed under his feet.

I believe he did it for me. Even if it was to restore order in class, the act's onus lies on me. It didn' t deserve to die, nor did I deserve for it to be killed! I only wished it out of the class. One innocent creature died because of my childish behaviour...

The other died earlier today. A tiny little green grasshopper this time. It had somehow landed itself in our backyard and by chance I and my mother happened to be there on a chores.

It was our presence or the chaos, it got excited and started hopping about the place(actually fluttering about, to be more precise). I don' t know, if our mutual fear attracted it to me, it thought I would save him or it was trying to scare me off, but it kept coming towards me. I tried to keep myself calm and act mature, but my mother noticed how terrified I was and as she is not apt in the art of catching them and releasing in the open, she did what she thought the next best thing for me- out flew the broom and SWAT! A little life was again lost because of my irrationale fear.

I wish I could undo both the instances, but it can't be done. I'm truly sorry for the lives thus lost. And if I have any sentiments through these twin blogs, I'm sorry about it too!

2 comments:

  1. Asma, your kindness towards insects - 'sentient beings' in the Buddhist tradition I believe - is astounding! I am truly amazed. That's what I noticed first about you, your sensitive and kind heart. If only we were all so sensitive! :) <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Elly! :) we share the same love too! I only human life too will be treated with such care (as i feel in my heart) :)

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