M for phobia: part 2

Continued from Part 1

The first time was when I was in my 1st year of pre-university course. I was in college attending a language class, and I and my friends were always the first benchers (will tell the story behind this in my next blog). Right in the middle of the lecture in hopped a big green grasshopper right in front of me, and kept hopping about as if super-excited to be in a college for the first time (though I seriously doubt if it was its first time). Those who suffer from any phobia can understand how strongly it affects us.

I tried to block it out, tried not to notice it and even moved a few benches behind to help myself stay calm, but no! The -hopper hopped all around the class, and I startled about my seat everytime it did so, sometimes I stiffled a screech, sometimes I almost screamed.

Finally, the lecturer in class ( a wonderful professor with the ideal blend of cordiality and discipline about him) had had enough. He asked me laughingly a couple of times to ignore, but when I failed to do so, the next instant STOMP! That spritely little life was crushed under his feet.

I believe he did it for me. Even if it was to restore order in class, the act's onus lies on me. It didn' t deserve to die, nor did I deserve for it to be killed! I only wished it out of the class. One innocent creature died because of my childish behaviour...

The other died earlier today. A tiny little green grasshopper this time. It had somehow landed itself in our backyard and by chance I and my mother happened to be there on a chores.

It was our presence or the chaos, it got excited and started hopping about the place(actually fluttering about, to be more precise). I don' t know, if our mutual fear attracted it to me, it thought I would save him or it was trying to scare me off, but it kept coming towards me. I tried to keep myself calm and act mature, but my mother noticed how terrified I was and as she is not apt in the art of catching them and releasing in the open, she did what she thought the next best thing for me- out flew the broom and SWAT! A little life was again lost because of my irrationale fear.

I wish I could undo both the instances, but it can't be done. I'm truly sorry for the lives thus lost. And if I have any sentiments through these twin blogs, I'm sorry about it too!

M for phobia

A funny thing about we humans is that everyone of us, in general, nurture a fear/phobia of little things. I know, psychology considers this a serious and innate problem, whose roots may lie in some childhood or very old occurrence which the mind has forgotten but it's effect remains.

The phobia can be anything- fear of height, of water, of darkness, of crowd, of isolation, or even insects. What I find funny is we believe ourselves to be the most supreme of all creatures of the Almighty, yet in a little corner of our mind there's such a strong fear of a minute or mundane stuff.

I suffer from partial insectophobia, meaning I don't fear all insects, just cockroaches (esp. the kind which glides about) and grasshoppers. And bless me! These two creatures somehow find a way to be around me ever so often.

I'm a little more insensitive and brutal towards the former. I just want it killed. No other option. Even if it's out of my sight, it never goes out my mind until it meets its end. But for the latter I'm a bit lenient. They have such innocent look about them (esp. The green variety), and I don't really know how harmful they can be! So, if they are taken out of my sight, i'm happy about it. But they were killed twice for me, and I'm really sorry about it.

Continued in part 2